Why am I so anxious? Because Monday morning I have to face the abuser in court and I’m feeling just sick about even seeing her face. I am prepared as much as I can be, and I know once I get through this I can get on with the business of living and making actual plans for the future. But today I feel on the verge of panic and it’s a terrible feeling. What if the great manipulator wins? What then? That’s what my brain keeps saying while at the same time knowing that I will most likely be ok. But it leaves me wanting to just curl up and hide. Nobody, and I mean nobody should have to go through this kind of mess. It shouldn’t be so hard to get away from an abusive person.
So I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m trying to stay busy today. Washing clothes, doing dishes, gathering wood from the forest, watering the plants- busy work. I charged the ear phones and am trying to sooth my brain with music. A tactic that used to help while I was in the midst of the abuse. I’ve gone over my notes and papers, I’ve made sure my nice clothes are cleaned and wrinkle free and and I’m as ready as I can be.
That’s really all I can do other than show up tomorrow.
Climate Wary Homesteader 