It’s no secret to anyone in my circle that I’ve been grieving a lot this year. The loss of family, the loss of a homestead and everything I put my hopes for the future in. I’ve been betrayed and abused and if it weren’t for very close friends I would have been homeless.
That would make anyone depressed I would think. So I don’t know why I beat myself up for it so much. I find my self discouraged that I don’t have the energy I used to have. Or the money. Or the space. Or that I just can’t find it in me to keep everything neat and tidy and on a schedule like I used to. I feel like I slept the majority of summer and fall away, working and sleeping.
No art, no progress, and lots of self isolation.
All this at a time that we need to be prepared for the future. I had been. I had a fully stocked pantry room. I had supplies, tools, land, livestock and a plan. This is not the time to be sleeping.
Yet here I am. I get up on my days off and make a little list. Sometimes I even scratch off a thing or two. Other days I don’t. Some days if I manage to wash the dishes it’s an achievement. Yay me.
But I need to step it up. The last couple weeks I forced myself to go out into the world on my days off, to do some kindness to other people. To stop isolating as much. As an introvert isolation is sometimes necessary but this has been extreme.
This morning I got up and instead of farting around in bed, I did dishes, and started on a chore that really needed doing. I scrubbed the bathroom (and yes, it’s the size of a standard port-a potty so it doesn’t take long) but it’s been a while. Even washed the floor in what has been too long. May not sound like an achievement to many.
Went outside and cleaned the cat barn enclosure. Again, I should have done it sooner but it was one of those chores that wasn’t life and death so it kept getting pushed off. Bringing things out, hosing them off, etc., seemed too much of an energy drain in the past few weeks. They got the litter box cleaned, food and water and fun time every day. So they were taken care of, just not sparkling clean in the enclosure.
And cleaning isn’t the only thing on my list for the week (I broke up cleaning chores for different days so it felt more manageable). I have time for practicing some art, reading something intelligent, and working outside/garden related stuff jotted down. Being that it’s stormy and the day light doesn’t last long this time of year, the garden stuff is dependent on weather day to day.
Which brings me to my next topic, a favorite of mine, about seeds.
I received my new asparagus seeds a couple days ago in the mail that I’m a bit excited about and I want to make a whole post just dedicated to them as it will probably be a long one too and we all know that people have short enough attention spans to not get to that part if I keep posting here in this one.
And I have a bunch of fruit tree seeds my neighbor saved for me. I don’t particularly think I want them, as they are kinds that would likely do nothing but suffer in this area, and I don’t even have my grafting tools anymore (some of the things I lost this year…) to graft on to rootstocks.
But as this is her property, and part of the agreement is that I help them get this homestead set up, I am obliging her and will be planting them shortly to experience winter as a way to help them sprout. I will make a post explaining that as well. Normally and in the past I had a fridge just for giving certain seeds their stratification that they needed in a controlled way. But my one fridge is pretty much the size of a laundry basket so I will be doing this the “winter sowing” method instead.
Climate Wary Homesteader 